Know Your Enemy

"I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay."

Even by Ann Coulter's usual batshit-crazy standards (which effectively render the Onion redundant), this article about football is spectacularly absurd. Key criticisms include the fact that you can't use your hands, the fact that it's un-American and the fact that it uses the metric system...

(Thanks to Phil for the link.)